The Fault in Our Elders

Its heart-wrenching to see adults shatter children’s ego and self-esteem. I’ve heard and over-heard countless accounts where elders, sometimes unfortunately parents shun their children in a most debilitating way. I’ll share some conversations below. Names have been hidden to protect privacy.

Scenario 1

A mother scolds her young daughter to be nice to her brother who is “rozaydaar” well after Iftari. She flinches and mumbles, roza rakh kar ehsan kiya hai mujhpe, Allah ke liye rakha hai tou mujhpe kyun raub dal rahe hain.

Shouldn’t we always be nice to each other and teach our sons to be equally kind to their sisters, and roza shouldn’t be a means of overpowering ┬ásomeone.

Scenario 2

A 4 year old kid visits his dada. Dada questions as to why is he not wearing so and so clothes, he responds with wo ap ne pehle bhi dekhe hue hain. Dad says tou phir kya hua, aur ese tou larkiyan kehte hain, larkay tou aik kapre buhat bar pehen lete hain.

Shouldn’t humbleness ┬ábe taught to both boys and girls. What is worse than feeding gender stereotypes to a child this young. Being non-materialistic should be encouraged irrespective of gender.

Scenario 3

A father says to his daughter does she wish to send her father to Hell, if not she should offer namaz as it is said if children are sinful parents will also be punished for not correcting them. Upon asking she says, had he said he doesn’t want ME to go to Hell that’s why I should offer namaz, it would have motivated me much more. What he said is just selfish and unloving.

As children are sensitive to what their parents say to them, care must be taken to convey a message effectively. Parents being well-wishers should also show that they are indeed well-wishers.

Scenario 4

A young adult asked his parent something basic about Quran They scolded him for not knowing such a basic element by saying tumhe yehe nahi pata, kabhi Quran nahi khola and even belittled him for not being a good Muslim.

This way of treatment can actually discourage a person from wanting to know about things. At least he is showing concern over what he doesn’t know instead of being indifferent. In today’s era young people’s interest in Islam is a blessing. He later remarked, I didn’t know sawal pochne se ap agle se haqeer hojate ho.



Feel free to differ and share your views!