I had this topic on my mind since many days probably since I have always wanted to heal people in pain. Anyway so, I went a few steps backward and thought over ways to avoid pain – if at all there are – and though easier said than done, I got these points to keep in mind:
First and foremost, don’t attach yourself too much to anyone. Believe me NO one dies without anyone. Now what is “too” much, as much as it varies for different people, a sign that how much is too much is when it starts to manipulate you. Don’t let the attachment take control of your emotions and decisions. Don’t waste all your energies all at once. Avoid the ‘too-much-too-soon’ scenario.
Co-dependency may sound cute and romantic, but trust me, its not. A relationship needs to be two-way and there is nothing bigger than your self-esteem. Remember its not your job to fix your partner’s short comings. Negating yourself in a relationship is NOT love. It may seem a very loving thing to do, but that’s not how love works.
Always watch your self interest first. Never let ANYONE’s needs be more important than your own. There is a thin line between self-interest and selfishness. As long as you are not usurping the rights of others, it is not selfish. Be bold, and make sure your own needs are met before you set out to please your significant other. An empty heart cannot give much anyway.
To avoid disappointments, lower expectations. I understand that some level of expectations from a close relationship are natural. The trouble is when you start relying on other people for your happiness. YOU alone are in control of what makes you happy. Make sure its something stable and always there – like your own existence.
Be realistic in your hopes. Someone may promise to be with you forever but you might not see that happening. Don’t be realistic to the point of being cynical, but just leave a small room for the worst. Be a little prepared. This way, nothing will be too hard to handle. I have found this personally helpful.
That’s it for today – have fulfilling relationships!